March 3, 2015
About two years into our infertility we did our first IVF which resulted in 6 "5 day" Blastocysts. We transferred two and told since I was young and since these were such high quality-the odds of pregnancy were very high. One embryo implanted but resulted in an almost immediate miscarriage (a blighted ovum) that eventually was removed via D&C.
We waited the three month minimum and went back for our first even frozen embryo transfer. My lining was perfect, they de-frosted magnificently, and I was SURE at least one would stick. My HCG at the beta blood test wasn't even one.
Although we had two more frozen embryos from this cycle left, we were beginning to wonder if we had a "bad batch." We had already paid a package for another fresh cycle, so we decided to move forward with that. For those that have followed on long for awhile, this 2nd IVF result in 7 "5 day" Blastocysts and 2 "borderline" blasts they froze on day 6. With four failures behind me in embryo world I boldly (and desperately) said: Transfer 3.
All 3 stuck. I saw it. Three heartbeats. I saw them at 6.5 weeks, 7.5 weeks, and at 8 weeks. We were scared and thrilled all at once. I began to get excited. I had never seen heartbeats in my body and three??? I felt as if it was a miracle. I loved them. I like a good challenge and I was confident Team D and H could handle and succeed at raising triplets. Long story short, I randomly miscarried one at 9 weeks exactly, went on with a healthy twin pregnancy of a boy and girl until my water randomly broke at 17 weeks-a rare and random condition call pPROM that impacts like .07% of the population. I delivered my daughter Brinly at 18 weeks and my son Jude at 21 weeks. Although 3 embryos took, I lost them all.
In-between failed transfers and my triplet pregnancy, I would make sure to yell out "Hi babies, I love you!" Every time we drove by OHSU (where our frozen embryos are stored). I partly yelled this because I did/do love them, and partly to annoy my husband.
After losing my triplets, we had 8 frozen embryos left-2 from that first cycle were the previous ones didn't take, and 6 from the Jude and Brinly's cycle. When our amazing friend Becky stepped forward to carry our embryos for us, we transferred 2 from the 2nd cycle and both took. Noah and Beckom Benson were almost born to the date a year after I delivered their older brother Jude.
So, as a recap 4 embryos resulted in nothing but 1 very early miscarriage.
5 resulted in a pregnancy-w a 9 week miscarriage that may have related to triplets, so technically 4 pregnancies-I didn't lose Jude and Brinly due to bad embryo quality-it was due to lame cervix.
We are 4 for 9, under 50%
We have six left on ice (which are in theory our lowest quality ones but still with high grades). We want to give them a chance but since I can never risk carrying twins again, the idea of transferring one. at. a. time. seems so overwhelmingly hard. I can't do it emotionally. I'm horrified of pregnancy and miscarriage.
We have decided to pay to have the embryos genetically tested and it will take place this month.
It's fascinating really. They defrost all 6, and remove 1 cell and then refreeze them. They send the 1 cell off to a genetic testing company where there they can determine some diseases, gender, and most importantly, if the embryo has the right amount of cells to become a successful pregnancy. Although we have 6 great-rated blastocysts, it doesn't mean they would all implant. If they are missing chromosomes, I would have another failed cycle or early miscarriage.
Obviously we are in no rush. We are in love with our sons. I guess my mind has been so infertility obsessed for these past 4 years, I want to know what we are dealing with. I need to know. I don't want to spend years wondering if any are normal. If none are normal-we have our answer. We can have closure and not a big "what if some day" hanging over our heads.
If a couple are normal than there are some frozen transfers in our future. Even if there are some normal ones, they are not "guaranteed" success. They are given 80% success rate in a fresh cycle-mine will have been frozen, de-frosted and biopsied, refroze, and then unfroze again-not exactly what happens in normal pregnancy.
We get the results by the end of the month.
My RE and I got into a few intellectual debates on CCS testing. He would claim that it's not cost effective. I would argue that sure if you're one of the lucky ones to have a healthy pregnancy on your first IVF transfer, than yes it would be a waste of money, but what if you're not one of the lucky ones? I also argued that I think REs have an ethical obligation to at least discuss and offer CCS testing to all patients. I wanted to do it with my first cycle, but needed to forgo testing when my embies didn't look promising at day 3. Lo and behold, miscarriage at 6 weeks due to Trisomy 16. The exact situation I wanted to avoid.
ReplyDeleteI know, CCS is tough. I'm young and have had some great blasts, it is expensive for sure. But once you've been at it a time or two, it's so sad thinking of the thrill of another pregnancy and then another early miscarriage from something that was doomed from the start. I'm so glad your little embryo stuck!!
DeleteI will wait for your results as I am going to do same thing.
DeleteYOU. ARE. AMAZING. just wanted you to know. I know you are soaking up every last little bit of love you can from those precious babies. So happy for you.
ReplyDeleteWe are at a crossroads with our 'ice' babies. I do not think we are planning to try to have anymore children. Which is so hard to wrap my head around since we spent so much time and energy trying to have one. Its a whole new existence really. We cannot agree on whether to donate to a couple or donate to research. I thought I knew but after having our son, it changes our whole perspective.
The ice baby thing is hard. We have had several long talks ourselves on what we will do if there are a lot of normal ones. We dont' want a huge family. I hate these questions!!
DeletePraying your snowbabies do well with the thaw, and the testing comes back great so you have a chance at having more beautiful babies!! yay!!!!!! <3 <3
ReplyDeleteThanks for the prayers. It's more nerve wracking that I thought!! It's like looking into a crystal ball of my future children :)
DeleteThis awesome that u are planning for the future. I totally get the age comment. Our first pregnancy with IVF resulted in a blighted ovum that we found our son had a chromosomal translocation. With our second they just assumed my body rejected them because of my MTHFR. I guess we will never know.
ReplyDeleteI hate the stupid blighted ovum. It's so painful :( I hate the unknown that infertility can bring too!
DeleteI have been following your story for a long time and I'm so happy that you finally have your sweet baby boys. My husband and I had been trying for a few years and after many tests, bloodwork, etc we were told everything looked great. We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility and we proceeded with six IUIs, all of which failed. About a year and a half ago we decided to move forward with ivf. We transferred two embryos and were so excited to find out both stuck and we were having twin boys. Everything was going great until our 19 week ultrasound. They said they saw something wrong with baby b. We were devastated and after having an amnio we found out that baby b had trisomy 13. This is a chromosomal disorder that means "not compatible with life." We were heartbroken but were hoping for a miracle. Three weeks later I went into pre term labor and my sweet boys were born at 22 weeks on December 4, 2013. They were born on my 31st birthday. They only lived for a few hours but I'm so glad I got to hold them. It was the hardest day of my life. The doctors don't know why I went into labor, which made it even harder to comprehend. About six months later we decided to try again. We didn't have any frozen embryos so in May of last year we started our ivf cycle. We decided to transfer only one because there was no way I was going to try carrying twins again. My husband and I wouldn't be able to go through something that heartbreaking again. Unfortunately that cycle failed but we had two frozen embryos. A few months later we transferred one frozen embryo and that cycle resulted in a chemical pregnancy. We only had one embryo left, so in October we transferred our last frozen embryo. I'm happy to report that it took and I'm now pregnant with a baby girl due in July. I just wanted to let you know that there is hope with only transferring one. It was a difficult decision but it was right for us. I found your blog shortly after I lost my twin boys. I really related to you, especially since you had just lost your sweet babies a few weeks earlier. Thank you for sharing your story. It has helped me more than you know. I'm so glad you were blessed with your sweet rainbow babies because you have been through so much and you deserve happiness. God bless and I'll be praying for you. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment!! I am SO sorry you lost your twins. I truly know that pain and don't wish it on my worst enemy. Thanks for the hope. We are hoping once we know if our snowbabies are healthy one will do the trick.
DeleteI get a lump in my throat every time I read about Jude and Brinly. I hope you get some good news with the testing, if nothing but to just KNOW. But of course it would be awesome to have more sweet babies :)
ReplyDeleteI agree, its more just to know. We will choose to be happy either way because we finally have what we have been fighting for.
DeleteThe embryo testing is fascinating! I am so impressed with you two and have followed for a long time. Congratulations on the babies!
ReplyDeleteThank you!! Embryo testing is insane!! I'm so thankful I live in a time where there are so many great scienfic things to help infertiles.
DeleteYou're such an inspiration to those of us going through this journey. Thank you for sharing and allowing us insite on your life. You're incredibly brave and overwelmingly strong!
ReplyDeleteI am 5 days past transfer and on my nerve-racking 2 week wait. Wish me luck!
Baby dust and blessing to all going through this journey! xoxoxo
Oh keep me posted!! I HATE th 2ww!! I go insane. Good luck!! xxoo
DeleteAs someone who has had multiple miscarriages followed by multiple D&C I will tell you that while there's an upfront cost for doing genetic testing it can save you money and heartbreak on the back end. If genetic testing could prevent a future miscarriage you're essentially saving yourself the cost of the FET cycle and subsequent D&C which can pay for itself in doing PGS testing and then some. But the emotional savings from a possible miscarriage is bigger than anything. Obviously transferring normal embryos can still result in a miscarriage as it isn't full proof (we transferred a boy and it failed to produce cardiac activity at six weeks) but his sister did and is here with us. I don't have a blog but have my heart invested in your journey. Best wishes.
ReplyDeleteOur thoughts exactly. 2 transfers (where we just do 1 at a time) would be the same cost as testing all 6. I hate that its not fool proof as you mentioned, but at least its a way better shot/chance.
Deletegirl you have been through so much! Please know that I think of you often and am always saying a prayer! Hugs!
ReplyDeletewaitingforbabybird.com
Thank you so much!! We are so rooting for you too!!
DeleteI'm interested to hear your results, Holly. I don't know if you remember but CCRM told Suzanne that she couldn't defrost and test her frozen embryos because they weren't fertilized with ICSI. Were yours? Or does the lab that you're using just have different guidelines? I've been thinking so much about what to do with our frozen embryos. We never expected to have so many normals.
ReplyDeleteYou're amazing Holly! Your strength through this journey is so admirable.
ReplyDeleteWe have a lot of families that do the testing. Keep me posted on your results!
I so understand the dilemma. Our embryos are day 3, so thawing and growing them out and then biopsy-ing and re-freezing etc. seems to carry even more risk of losing them along the way. Plus, our transfer history is great so far (knock on wood). And yet, I cannot fathom the thought of another loss. Hugs. Hoping that there will be some normal ones - I'd love for you to get a better experience at pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a great plan! Having been through a chemical and an early miscarriage I am a big fan of the genetic testing. Wishing you the very best and you continue your efforts to grow your family.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you are doing this!! It helped my nerves so much after we got our Positive result, so much less stress during pregnancy. Also we got to just transfer one! Now 5 months later we have our little Fletcher. Perfect and Happy!
ReplyDeleteHi I am on same page
ReplyDeleteI have 2 fresh and 1 frozen fail ivd
now thinking about ccs on frozen embryos.
Please let us know how was test and frozen embryo.