Born. Our Surrogacy Story Part 4

December 24, 2014

The boys original due date was 12/13/14 (cool right?) but we knew with twins we wouldn't be allowed to go full term.  As mentioned before, I refrained from posting much because although the pregnancy was going smooth, I wasn't going to fully accept that I was going to be a mom to my twin boys till they were screaming in my arms.  That. has. finally. happened.

Becky was doing 2x a week appointments to have the boys monitored and have her blood pressure checked.  Due to twins she had also developed minor gestational diabetes so they wanted to be extra safe.  The boys passed every test with flying colors and Becky was constantly compliment "GREAT JOB" by the doctors and us.  I mentioned it before but at just 18 weeks her cervix was measuring under 2cm (anything under 2.5 is worrisome).  We were prepared for the chance of pre-term labor but we wanted to make it into the 30's (Jude and Brinly were born at 18 and 21).  Becky's cervix held strong and always stayed "stable" ranging from 1.2 cm to 2.5.

On Friday, November 14, 2014, just 3 days short from the day Jude was born still the year before, she went in for a weekly appointment and they noticed a higher blood pressure.  After some monitoring they determined she was at the start of pre-eclampsia and since the boys were 1 day short of 36 weeks they decided that would be the day.  My first text from Becky was "I'm being monitored to be safe" then 2 hours later turned to "Today's the day, I'm next in line for the C-section, it will be in about TWO HOURS."

We packed quickly and sped to the hospital.  Although I wasn't in labor, I told Darren this maybe his only chance in our lifetime to speed to the hospital because our babies were on their way.

We got there with lots of time to spare.  I was so so so so so excited. Almost giddy. Although 35 weeks 6 days is still fairly early, this felt like full term to us when we had been praying for at least 30 weeks (and after praying Jude and Brinly would just make it to 24).  The nurses were excited too and Becky looked peaceful and beautiful.  She didn't have much time to get nervous since it was all happening so fast.

Darren and I had hired a lawyer to help us with the paperwork so the boys were legally ours at birth-so the hospital gave us our own room right next to Aunt Becky and Uncle Tom.  The doctors also agreed that although it was a C-section, to let ALL of us (Tom, Darren and I) in the delivery room.

They took Becky back alone to give her the spinal and then came and got us (we were all scrubbed up).  Darren and I got to sit at her feet in the operation room and could see everything.  It was all happening so fast and it felt like a dream.  I asked Tom to pinch me (he did).

C-sections are really really fast.  Within 5 minutes the doctor said "OK, we will have babies out in 39 seconds."  At this point I could see a head moving inside the sac.  My children.  My live children.

This is when the crying began.  The healing type of crying.  Sobbing really.  The reality that exactly one year ago I was in labor with Jude who was destined to die and now 2 new sons who I would hold and hear crying overwhelmed me.  As they pulled them out I was crying "they are so big, they are so big" 5 pounds 10 ounces and 5 pounds 13 ounces.  Most people in the room were probably thinking "these are late preterm babies, they are not that big" but to me, in comparison with my 1 pound son I held last, these boys were full grown babies.

The nurses took them over to their little stations.  It took Noah a bit to breathe on his own, but no NICU for either.  The moment didn't feel real.  Once Beckom was ready to be weighed the nurse said "okay mom (OMG MOM!  Me??) take him over to the scale" and I carried him.  I carried Jude and Brinly's live little brother as he screamed all the way over.  A few minutes later I brought him over for Becky to meet. 

Shortly after, they brought us to the recovery room and I got to nurse them both at the same time.  I induced lactation (more on that later) so I was able to provide them with my own breast milk after birth.   Family came in shortly after to meet the little miracle boys while we took turns snuggling them.

Here are some pictures from the delivery room:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our Surrogacy Story Part 3: Saint Becky

December 14, 2014

I couldn't continue on with our story without writing a special post about Becky.  As noted in the previous post, this woman signed up voluntarily asking for nothing in return.  She has repeated several times "This is a small sacrifice for you to have a family."  The funny thing is NO ONE else thinks it's just a "small sacrifice."  Allow me to explain.

First off,  she quit her job right before the transfer to "show us how serious she was." She told us she wanted to be all in and wanted to put all her focus on the pregnancy.  Without any asking on my part she gave up all caffeine and artificial sweeteners and did every old wives tell in the book to make sure her uterus was perfect. 


I talked about how she had to do endless tests to be cleared to be our gestational carrier.  Then the 3 weeks on the awful Lupron shot to shut down her ovaries and then 12 weeks of the 2 inch PIO.  I attended the training for the shots with her and she seemed fine until they pulled out that big one-it scares us all.  She is really slender so they were ok with allowing her to go down to an inch and a half-I was also there for her first injection and she took it like a champ.  Over. and. over. again.

It's common to hear people complain about the discomforts of pregnancy, let alone two.  The body grows and stretches more than normal.  Since multiples is automatically high risk pregnancy, the appointments are endless.  Sleep is hard.  At 18 weeks into the pregnancy there was a scare with a shortening cervix (I automatically assumed the worst) and the doctor suggested a pessary (kind of like a cerclage but its a plastic ring they put around the cervix in hopes of helping it hold).  I felt horrible.  Becky had already done enough and now they wanted to insert the pessary.  I told her it was her choice.  Without hesitation she said "If it's keeps these boys in longer, it's worth it." She did it that day.  Through all of this she would never ever complain.  She would just repeat "small sacrifice."

On Mother's Day this year, while she was pregnant with my babies, she sent ME a Mother's Day Card Thanking ME for allowing her to carry my rainbow babies...yes, you read that correctly.  Someone who quit their job, did all the tortuous things that come with IVF, and was dealing with MY twin pregnancy thanked ME.

I have been so humbled by this whole experience.  At my baby shower I couldn't help but compare her act of pure kindness to my faith.  Christ came to earth, died for me, carries the burden of my sin, giving us new life-asking only that we believe in Him-His gift to mankind.  She came to me, risked her health, literally carried the burden of pregnancy for me (because God knows being pregnant right after my loss would have been the most horrifying, scary, and risky thing), all why expecting nothing back for the gift of life she was giving us.

There really aren't enough words to explain what she has done for my family.  I thank God daily for this woman.  She has taught me so much through her loving sacrifice.

1. Selflessness.  As a Christian, I often do kind things for others because I should- and it's so human nature to expect something in return.  I want recognition, I want people to know I did something so nice.  I imagine that for most women dealing with someone else's pregnancy, even if it was out of pure kindness, would sure let the intentional parents know how hard it was, how much suffering was done on our behalf, etc.  Becky has reminded me that when I do something nice for someone to NEVER have strings attached.  To never do something half heartily with a you-really-owe-me attitude.  Her selflessness has been so sweet and so heart-warming.

2.  Love-We live in a world full of divorce, cheating, fighting, and disrespect in marriage.  I really admire Tom and Becky's marriage/relationship. They are a united team. Tom supported Becky's idea to help us from day 1 and was willing to watch his wife go through the trials/hormones of pregnancy all so Darren and I could have a family.  He attends the millions of doctor appointments and has been excited along with us.  He is loving, and patient, and kind.  I see the way he looks at her, with love, respect, and admiration.  Where some men would maybe be turned off to the idea of "losing" their wife for 9 months for someone else's baby, he supported her goal 100%.  They just celebrated 20 years of marriage while she was pregnant with our boys.  They are a great example of how love and marriage should be.

3.  Attitude-After losing Jude and Brinly I became so so negative with pregnancy.  I had been jaded
by their death.  My faith in God and His goodness had been shaken and although I was happy Becky was pregnant, I was scared and still doubtful. Becky's blood type is B+ and she has taken this to heart.  Before the transfer her and I went to Red Robin for dinner and I was expressing concerns of possible miscarriage she scowled at me and said "BE POSITIVE."  That has been her attitude throughout, she has chosen to be positive.  Anytime in the pregnancy I said something doubtful, or got nervous she would respond almost in a cheer "BEeeeeeee possssiittttivvveeee!!" waving her hands in the air with a cheer leader like motion.  I love this.  She has reminded me to chose to be positive.

Tom and Becky and their daughter Kaela went to a wedding this summer and when the found their name card, her's read Saint Becky.
I am so grateful that there are some genuinely caring people like Becky.  A few months ago I came across the quote: "You have never really lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you." All I can say is Becky has really lived. ♥

 

Here is a video of the first half of our journey we showed at the Baby Shower:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uv0T7hXRMak