When I lost Jude and Brinly I was quickly welcomed with sad, warm, open arms in a very private and small groups called LAMBS. Loss of all multiples. This group has been my saving grace because it's a small collection of women who truly understand the horror and depth of loss and loss and loss instead of just trying to imagine it. I can go here when I have a dark thought or have been hurt/offended by someone who I KNOW meant well but stung me. Here the women validate my feelings while gently reminding me people mean well.
Cynthia Jenks is the name of group administrator. She lost quadruplets in 1998 (identical boys/fraternal girls). She has been kind and caring to all of us moms (and sadly the new moms each month that join due to losing ALL). Today she posted in the group and said that she has never mentioned it in the group but that she actually had her rainbow twins (boy/girl) in 2000 (many of us women in the group really really are sensitive to twins/triples and hearing about other people's can trigger lots of emotions, that is why I'm assuming she never told us she has twins). Anyway, last week, her 13 year old son and daughter where on a bike ride (with a group that trains teens to bike competitively) and he was killed, 3 inches in front of his teen sister, in a bike wreck.
I felt really numb reading her post. Then I read it to Darren and the reality of the cruelty of life set in. I'm not in charge but if things were fair (which we all know they are NOT), the pain, loss, nastiness would at least be spread out. A mommy that had to bury 4 babies that she labored and delivered has put in her time in the suffering department. To experience the rainbow boy/girl twins and then a sudden loss? The article took me to her facebook page and just days before she was posting family pictures.
I think about the idea of "rainbow" baby all the time-They are the beauty after the storm. Things being made right. With my first miscarriage in 2012, I thought J and B were my rainbows. If I ever am lucky enough to get my rainbow baby, the pain of losing him/her as young teen is beyond horrific. I know it's beyond horrific for any family, any loss of a child.
I by no means want to be doom and gloom. We all know we will die at some point. I guess I write about her because it reminds me to hold those that I love even closer. Just like the poem Amy wrote me when Jude and Brinly died Loss and Gratitude , remember to enjoy each and every second you have with the children you have or the husband and wife or friend or sibling. My heart breaks for her today because I have an idea of the grief that lies ahead...
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/2014/06/27/teen-bicyclist-killed/11570837/
So very sad for your friend Cynthia. No one should have to suffer anything remotely close to what she's suffered. Saying a prayer for her and her family now.
ReplyDeleteHeartbreaking..
ReplyDeleteI got a lump in my throat when I started reading this and now have tear spoofing down my face. How heartbreaking. Gut wrenching. I feel for that whole family. I can't imagine what the sister is going through now, not to mention mom and dad. Yes, this definitely is a great reminder not to ever take anything for granted.
ReplyDeleteSo, so sad. I hate this so much. You are so right - that poor mother had put in her time with suffering and loss. We will never understand why terrible things happen to wonderful, deserving people. It's just so unfair. I will be praying for her, for her daughter who is without a twin brother now, and for the rest of their family. And definitely holding my loved ones a bit tighter today. Thank you for reminding me to never forget to say I love you, because we aren't promised tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteThis is so horribly sad, Holly. I can't imagine this woman's heartache. Life is certainly not fair and no one should have to endure that much pain.
ReplyDeleteMy throat is tight. This is the kind of thing that makes me rush over to my own rainbow. If I lost a third child I would be a complete mess. No one should loose a child let alone their rainbow.
ReplyDeleteI have no words. My heart aches for your friend and her family, what a tragic loss
ReplyDeleteI hate reading this of this loss.. more than I hate reading of any loss. Heartache seems to cut me deeper to my tender bone more than usual lately. Maybe it's because I'm creeping up on the one year anniversary of my miscarriage or maybe it's because a grieving Mother's heart us always unpredictable. Sending love and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThere is an incredibly delicate balance involved in caring for those God gives us. Even as a mom who has not lost, I know that every day with my kids is a gift and tomorrow, they may be back with God. While I want to hold them tight and never let them out of my sight, I know I have to let them live their young lives and experience adventure and joy for the very same reason: life could end tomorrow, and so we must truly live it. Hugs to you and to your grieving friend. So sad.
ReplyDeleteOh my. This is so heartbreaking. A blog friend of mine has her rainbow baby in the NICU, fighting for life. This is such a cruel twist of fate - as if losing a child, let alone four (!), wasn't enough. Hugs to her and her whole family.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I love your rainbow ticker though.
i can't breathe most days worrying that what ive been 'blessed' with will be snatched away. every day I beg god, don't take away what you have given me. I know it won't change the plan he has for me, but its the only thing I know to do.
ReplyDeleteNo words. Absolutely heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteJust terrible :( Prayers to them!
ReplyDeleteJust because you have children does not leave you exempt from tragedy, and this is my biggest fear...Many prayers to the family....
ReplyDeletehttp://ttcaftertr.blogspot.com/