June 15, 2014
Unlike myself, Darren expressed no issues/problems with attending Father's Day events with our families (I locked myself in tight on Mother's Day). Darren is the father of Jude and Brinly, although not here, nonetheless, he is their dad. He is a superhero dad.
I am on a few facebook support groups for "loss of all multiples" and "life after pProm loss." There I connect with a very small population of women who 100% understand the pain because they do have experienced it first hand. I found a few "thoughts" on Father's Day there:
Taken from "Physcology Today," it discuses the impact of stillbirth on the father (while pointing out it's usually the mom's that get all the support). "Writes Return To Zero writer/director Sean Hanish, whose son was stillborn in 2005, “As a husband, a partner, a man you are a passenger on the pregnancy express. You can look out the window and watch the scenery go by, her belly grow, her skin glow, and if you’re lucky, catch your baby’s elbow as it presses against her belly like the dorsal fin of some alien sea creature making it more real for you. But you’re not the engineer. When the crash comes you are struggling with your own emotions, grief and loss, desolation and depression, and watching as your wife, your partner, your life jumps the tracks. Twisting metal tumbling out of control in slow motion. Prepare for impact.”
Darren, although strong and rarely discusses it, has gone through some serious impact on the said "Pregnancy Express."
We are healing slowly. Some days better than others. Today I gave Darren his first Father's Day Card. I acknowledge him as a dad and love him deeper for it. And I also want to acknowledge all the other dad's out there who have lost. We stand with you. We see you. We understand. And I want to acknowledge all the men who are fighting daily to be fathers, who are longing to be fathers, who are deep in the trenches of building a family and truly have a father's heart. Happy Father's Day ♥♥
This picture was taken a few days after my 3rd IVF transfer of 3 embryos. We didn't know it at the time but I was pregnant with triplets. Issac, Jude, and Brinly. Here is one of Darren's first pictures as their dad. Although none of them are here with us, we love them every single day of our lives and hold on to the promise of seeing them again someday when the world is made right.
What a wonderful picture of Darren as a daddy! I'm so sorry your babies are here with you to celebrate him with you, Holly.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely post and tribute to Darren for Father's Day. I know how much you loved your babies and it hurts my heart that they aren't physically with you. You show so much strength and grace in your posts, that it brings me to tears. Holding out so much hope that soon you will hold your baby in your arms. I can't wait for the day that happens. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI know what it is to mourn your spouse's loss as a Father. After we lost our twins, we both grieved for them the year, after during these days of celebration. It was difficult to know how best to be parents to children we couldn't hold, but we learned. You will too - in fact I know you are on your way. Love each other and don't give up.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you had a good Father's Day. Honestly I think the emotional pain can be just as bad for fathers as it is for mothers (although it may be a benefit not having to deal with the extra hormones...) - I often feel that my husband's pain isn't taken as serious. Darren and you are wonderful parents to your four babies. I so very much hope you'll soon be parents to a living sibling for them!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteLove this, Holly. Happy Father's Day to Darren.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to now just be stopping by and commenting, I've been reading and looking for updates but seem to have issues commenting on my phone. I just wanted to let you know I think and pray for you and Darren often. I meant to email you around Mother's Day, you were so heavy on my heart and I couldn't stop thinking about you. I wish I would have let you know. I will hopefully sit down to my emails in the next week or two, but wanted to let you know that you are ALWAYS on my mind. Even though we became friends through blogging, I would honestly and wholeheartedly do anything for you. This post to Darren is beautiful, you two are such a special and beautiful couple and my heart goes out to the both of you. I truly believe you guys are amazing parents to your four BEAUTIFUL babies and if I can do anything, I am always here. Sending so much love your way.
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