October 24, 2013
The waiting game continues. The diagnosis got more grim as different OBGYNs conferenced with the maternal fetal specialists (high risk pregnancy doctors).
Here's the update:
50-75 chance I will go into labor by 11:00 tonight (I haven't had cramping but I am passing some mucous/tissue)
Because Brinly has no water around her, they have given her slim to non to survive. Because of risk of infection or me going into labor, they have given Jude 25-30% of survival rate.
If I don't go into labor tonight, we are meeting with the specialist tomorrow. We will get to take a peek at the sac and see if any miraculous event has occurred (it resealing/refilling). If it's still completely empty, she will most likely still be alive with a strong heartbeat BUT every doctor has that even if I can carry her-there is no way she will survive outside the womb.
This is where is gets twisted. They are suggesting selective reduction-to stop her heart rate (since she is doomed anyway) to give Jude a higher chance of survival. Never in a million years would I even consider this-I'm not God BUT then I start second guess this because I have another life to fight for-Baby Jude.
I just pray that God fills her sac or stops her heart rate himself if that is His plan. AT this point there are 2 miracles:
1. Both live
2. Jude lives
I couldn't handle laying in the hospital with no sleep and leg compressions and since I wasn't getting contractions or signs of an infection let, they let me go home. Now I just wait and just trust God. I cannot express how touched Darren and I are from all the prayers, hope, and encouragement.
11 failed IUIs, IVF #1- miscarriage, FET #1-nada, IVF #2-triplets but we lost them all at 9, 18, and 21 weeks in 2013. When all hope was lost a friend stepped forward to be our gestational carrier and carried in our twins... 2 years later we decided to try for one more baby with me carrying again...this is our story
So glad for an update. Continuing to pray for the Lord's miraculous healing.
ReplyDeleteAmen to this prayer and comment!
DeleteI am copying and pasting something you Holly wrote on your gender reveal blog, which by the way was so precious and beautiful. I love the worship, the friends and family surrounding you, but then I read the last thing on the blog and here it is, first let me say I believe God gives us something, hope, to hang onto right before we go into battle or a desert place, I am sot sure how your statement came about, but you know... so I am wondering is this the "something" God gave you to hold onto your faith for this miracle when by all outward appearance things don't look good? Forgive me if I am wrong, but my heart says just possibly He will full fill this miracle!
Holly your words:
"Lastly, as I was looking through my posts I found one I wrote on my 29th birthday. When I blew out my candles there were 2 candles left-the colors of my twins!"
Continuing to pray for you and those sweet babies! Drink lots and lots and lots of water!!! I would think they would have you on an IV. Praying for miracle #1!
ReplyDeleteOh Holly! I haven't stopped thinking about you since I read your post yesterday. This is all just so incredibly overwhelming, so hard, so frustrating. I know how you must be wrestling with the idea of selective reduction... not a choice any of us ever want to make, and I know your faith will play into the turmoil you feel. I honestly have no idea what I would do in that situation... I'm just so, so, so sorry that this is where you are. Praying for you sweet girl. Praying for Jude and Brinly by name, asking the Miracle Worker to intervene! There are so many people who have heard your story in the last 24 hours... lots of prayers going up for you my friend!
ReplyDeleteI didn't check blogger yesterday and I feel absolutely sick reading these, I am just SO, so sorry. Lifting you three up in prayer as we speak, praying for your heart, your strength, for baby Jude and baby Brinly. We all love you so much on here.
ReplyDeleteI have thought of you hourly.. praying every single time I do <3
ReplyDeleteSO many people are praying for you. I've thought of you almost nonstop since reading your post yesterday and will continue to do so. The courage and strength that you are showing for your precious little ones is inspiring. I will be praying that a miracle does in fact happen and that you continue to have the strength to make these very tough decisions that are right for you and your babies. Keep believing in the faith and love that you have for God and the love you have for each other, Brinly and Jude. Much love coming at you guys...
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and your babies! God can make the impossible possible and I am praying for a miracle. Much love and prayers being sent your way!
ReplyDeleteI am someone else you don't know who is joining all the many people who are praying for you and lifting you up.
ReplyDeleteI haven't stopped thinking about you since yesterday. My husband and I are both praying so hard for all four of you. I know nothing about this is easy, so I just pray that God either performs a miracle or shows you a clear direction for where He wants you to go.
ReplyDeleteYou, the babies (Brinly and Jude) and your husband are in my prayers. This is a very difficult journey. No matter what road the Lord chooses for you, remember this, you are not alone. You have so many praying, surrounding you in love. I am also someone who doesn't know you, but I am joining in prayer and lifting you up.
ReplyDeletePraying for you!
ReplyDeleteYou do not know me but I am praying hard for you, your husband & your sweet precious unborn babies!!
ReplyDeleteHolly and Darren- you should know that I have seen your current situation pop up in several spheres of my online groups (all of which were unrelated). Each and every post is covered in a slew of people who are lifting you and your babies up in prayer. Many of these comments were from people like me who were moved to tears reading your story. I can't pretend to understand why this is happening but I know that Yaweh is listening as many of his children intercede with him on your behalf. You are being covered in prayer. May he strengthen you and your babies! May they be born when the time is right and may people see them as a testament to God's unfailing love and grace!
ReplyDeleteContinuous prayer for you guys. My heart is feeling so much pain for you. It isn't supposed to be like this. I will be praying for God to send you guidance through this journey.
ReplyDeleteAlso someone you don't know, praying for a double miracle as well!
ReplyDeleteJust a fellow blogger stopping by to tell you that I will be praying for you, your husband and those precious babies continuously throughout these next few days. My heart is with you.
ReplyDeletePraying for you guys...been thinking about you since we heard at work.
ReplyDeleteWhat everyone before me has said. You are being blanketed in prayer and lifted up high. Sending strength your way <3
ReplyDeleteThanks for the update. I have been checking here all day like a stalker. :) Been praying for the 4 of you since last night and I have quite a few others I have recruited as well. Just remember to stay strong and God gives his hardest battles to some of his toughest soliders. You are not alone is this. We may not all know one another, but we have banded together as if we have all met and are life long friends that are here to lift you up in your time of need. The 4 of you are in my continued thoughts and prayers. (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteYes, thanks for the update. Still lifting you all up in prayer. All I can say is that God doesn't give us things that we cannot handle.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Holly and believe in a miracle! I am! xoxo
Praying and believing that those miracles will be done!! This is nothing from God. I know they are doctors, but at the same time I hate all negative words spoken over your womb, body, babies and situation. There is so much power in words. Continue to speak life and command your body to align with God's word! It's powerful stuff. Praying for you!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family!!! God Bless!
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you all and asking others to pray for you also. Praying for a miracle.
ReplyDeleteSending many many prayers!!
ReplyDeleteHave they talked about surgery? I read an article years ago about a surgeon who could do fetal surgery, and he did so by opening the amniotic sack and then when he was done stitching it shut and refilling it. If that can work, I would think it could work to go in and just close the sack. I hope and pray this all ends as happily as it possibly can! Remember, your babies already know you love them and that you would do anything for them - you never need to worry about that!
ReplyDeletePraying so hard for you...xxxxx's
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ReplyDeletePraying like crazy!
ReplyDeleteStill continuing to pray. For a miracle and for comfort and peace (as much as possible, anyway) for you and your husband while you wait.
ReplyDeleteI was introduced to your blog through one of my fb infertility group members. I am not a religious person and therefore didn't want to say anything, but please know your whole family is in my thoughts. I truly hope that both of your babies make it. It is so hard to see someone who has been through so much have to be handed a horrible ultimatum. It seems like there are so many people who care about you and your babies and it looks like you have so much support.
ReplyDeletePraying God does whats impossible with man. That both live.
ReplyDeleteVisiting from Alexis' blog...I'm so terribly sorry you're going through this. I am praying for you and your precious twins.
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for you all!
ReplyDeleteI am continuing to pray for those miracle babies, you, and your family.
ReplyDeletei've been praying for you soooo much - you don't me, but just wanted to let you know that i am thinking of you and praying for you.....
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry this has happened! I am praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteBeen thinking about you guys all day. I know lots of people are praying for you. Come on miracle!
ReplyDeleteI'm so, so, so sorry to hear this...I can't imagine having to make any of the choices you are faced with. I'm not a big prayer, but I will pray for you and those babies. I will pray for a miracle and courage and everything. My heart is with you right now...
ReplyDeleteI’ve followed your blog for a while since we were on the same IVF cycle and I've always found your blog so uplifting in a time of darkness. I am praying for you and your family that God gives you peace at a time like this and that you are blessed with a miracle.
ReplyDeleteOh honey. I'm so speechless and heartbroken for you that I can't even remember the blog that brought me here. Let me just give you some history on myself before I go on. My name is Jamie, I'm 32, and I live in Pensacola, FL. I gave birth to my son Miller, full term, after a pretty much flawless pregnancy in Jan of 2005. He was born still due to placenta abruption. It was such a shock to me and to this day I still struggle with the very thought of it. I've been dragged through the whole grief process but I've researched everything, reached out, met people, am a published writer, and so forth. His birth/death-- was almost my death. This past August, after trying to get pregnant for nine months, I was surprised with a pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks and miscarried days later with no reason as to why.
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry this is happening to you.. especially due to what you have been through-- but seriously, if you hadn't tried for so long and been through so much, I'd still be very sorry. This is something no one should ever have to go through. As I've read, I know that you are no stranger to loss.. but please, if you need someone to reach out to, please contact me. I'm available by email, by text, by phone. If you do have to suffer Brinly's loss, I know you probably don't want to think of this.. but please, if you can-- hold her and see her. Ask the hospital to take photos of her if you can't. It sounds crazy but that was the BEST decision I ever made and in my research, and I've spoken to parents who have suffered loss at your "stage".. and they've regretted not doing so. Many, many blessings and prayers.
"That which we have once enjoyed, we never lose. All that we deeply love becomes a part of us."
ugottahavehart.blogspot.com//levimama23@gmail.com
Stopping by from ICLW and am so, so sorry to hear your news. What a difficult time you are going through - my thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and praying for a miracle still. Praying for Brinley's sac to reseal and refill, and for Jude to show those docs what he's made of. Most of all, praying for peace and discernment for you and the hubby as any decisions come your way. Will be thinking of you all night. Try to get rest where you can.
ReplyDeleteYou are all in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteHey girl, you and Darren are in our constant prayers, love you more than words can express. My heart just aches for what you are going through. God has you, Darren and your precious babies in the palm of His hand, NO better place to be. We will continue to believe for a miracle and trust in God. I love you and we won't stop praying and believing!!!
ReplyDeletePraying for your continued strength and a miracle for Baby Brinley and Baby Jude. Your blog is such a testament to the strength God provides. “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
ReplyDeletePraying for you!!!!
ReplyDeleteBig, big, BIG prayers from a friend in Ky <3
ReplyDeleteCame across your blog via a relative and you all have been in my constant thoughts and prayers. I went through a similar situation nearly 30 years ago with twin daughters, Erin & Elisha.
ReplyDeleteMegan sent us your way. Many, many prayers to you and your family. I know the big guy upstairs is watching over you. (( hugs))
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what you are going through. That would have to be the most difficult decision to make. I'm so sorry and you are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and praying for God to protect your sweet babies.
ReplyDeleteThis literally broke my heart and brought me to tears when I heard this. You two are the most deserving people to have kids out of anyone I know. I know God puts struggles in our lives for a reason and God I am praying that a HUGE miracle comes from this. These are both your precious babies and are both holding on as hard as they can fighting to live. There's a reason you haven't gone into labor yet. Still praying both survive but if this decision you have to make ultimately saves one life, Brinly would I'm sure gladly sacrifice her own life to save her brother to carry on your legacy. There is no wrong decision. Trust in what the Dr's are telling you, they know what's best to help with the survival rate. My prayers are with both of you.
ReplyDeleteHolly and Darren your strength and courage through this whole process is astonishing and admirable. I hate to see you guys hurting like this but know that you are surrounded by love. We are all pulling for the Benson family. I agree with Andrea, I don't know another couple more deserving of a child then you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If you need anything don't be afraid to ask.
ReplyDeleteI had twins 43 yrs ago. I lost one to heart problems a little over a month ago. I am praying that you get to have both of you babies born, healthy. Stay strong in your faith. It's what will get you through whatever happens.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me; I found your blog today through a friend's FB post. I'm weeping as I read your ordeal and the events of today. I don't know what to say--nothing is good enough, remotely. My heart cries out to God on your behalf. Dear Lord, bring your miraculous hand to these babies, that they may know their human parents' love and embrace.
ReplyDeleteI've started and stopped writing so many times... I just can't get the right words to show up on the screen. I don't know, and can't even imagine the pain you are going through right now in this situation. However, I do know loss. I know it never goes away, you just learn to live around it. I also know that there really isn't anything anyone can say that will make you feel any better. But if you just Keep your faith in the Lord he will guide you to where you need to be. You are a strong woman and I believe that you will be delivered from this nightmare into a beautiful miracle! As I have been all day, I am praying the Lord gives you strength to prepare for what may come, and the courage to strive for the miracle you and your husband deserve!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and sending love and peace!
ReplyDeletePraying for you guys from Laos!!!
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for a miracle! Washing you all in blessings and praying for safety and health for everyone! Thinking of you all continuously!!
ReplyDeletePraying for you, your husband, Brinly and Jude. Hoping God gives you a miracle.
ReplyDeleteI read a story online and was so touched by yours, I looked for others who had something like this happen with suscess... Thinking good thought your you and your family
ReplyDeletehttp://www.pregnancyandbaby.com/pregnancy/articles/939233/kyra-a-living-miracle
praying for you Holly! God bless!
ReplyDeleteI know the most painful thing in the world is to have people tell you that they know how you feel - all you want to do is scream at them that they have no idea! I don't pretend to know how you feel - to have come so far and have so much going so wrong so fast. But I just want you to know that I do know how it feels to be sent home and told to just wait for your baby to die - I've been there. I wish there was something I could do for you! For now, just know that you're not alone...
ReplyDeletePraying for you here in okc! Hoping and wishing for a miracle for both of your little ones!
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for that miracle.
ReplyDeleteQuite a few of us were sent to your blog from Brink Adventure. I just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you and keep checking for updates. I pray that God is making miracles happen for your family.
ReplyDeleteNo one should have to experience what you have been through and are going through. You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your precious babies! God is capable of miracles and I pray that God will intervene for your family today!
ReplyDeleteAshley
Man and Wife and Two Fur Babies
Continued prayers. My heart goes out to you both, really all 4 of you. May God take care of all of this. Many many hugs being sent.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family. Praying you get your miracle!
ReplyDeleteI thought about you all morning as I got ready for work, sending prayers and hoping for strength for you. Continuing to pray, Holly.
ReplyDeleteYour story is very close to my heart. My husband and I lost our second child at 40 weeks, no one knows what happened. Four months later we found out we were expecting triplets! Given what we had been through our fetal maternal dr.'s wanted us to selectively reduce, there was no way. Once you loose a baby how can you ever do that?! We prayed a lot and decided that if God wanted us to have twins that we be at his hand. I can say even though I was in pre-term labor for months and on bed rest I delivered two beautiful babies at 35 weeks January 26th 2013. You can do it! Whatever you have to do, stay in the hospital, stay inverted or whatever its worth it!! you're a strong woman and momma...you can do it!! good luck and God Bless!
ReplyDeleteI am praying so hard for the first of those two miracles to come true. XOXO
ReplyDeleteMy friend Annie posted your blog and wanted to write. My cousin's water broke at 13weeks 5 days and her boy is perfectly healthy at 3 years old. Here's a link to her blog and how she did it. If you want to contact her, I know she would be willing to do what she could to help!!! I'm praying for you and your babies.
ReplyDeletehttp://kristinppromqueen.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2010-10-24T13:23:00-07:00&max-results=7
Let Annie Eshleman know if you want her number and I'll get you in touch with her!!! Praying for you guys.
April Steffen
Prayers being sent your way.
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