August 3, 2013
So on Wednesday I went in for a 3rd beta (18dp5dt) and it was 15,431 which is a doubling time of 41 hours! I was starting to have doubts so it was so nice to get me that breath of fresh air. I figured it would get me through 1 more week to the fetal pole check.
On Friday I went in for a Brazilian Wax. Two words to that : HOly $%^@%$#%^ . My best friend a long time ago convinced me to try it and I bought a groupon. I kept putting it off out of fear and out of not wanting to do it during IVF cycle but I realized it expired July 31. I thought I had a high pain tolerance but wow. Wow wow wow. The only reasons I share this are as follows: #1. Because it started with a "B" and fit in nicely with my title. #2. To warn all the sistas out there that it's not worth it. #3. To remind myself I'm an idiot for adding "something new" to cause me worry about spotting or pain down south. AHHH.
It was kind of ridiculous timing since I have my poor husband on no sex till heart beat diet. Its been almost a month. I've been playing things sooooo safe that I wasn't about to cave in, but he convinced me it was "safe." I said "but if it makes me spot I'll freak out" and he reminded me that if I randomly started spotting the day after we would know it was just related to not having sex in 80 years. I was hesitant (sorry for the tmi but it's part of the life of infertile people). I basically let him pop in and no moving, nothing. It hurt pretty bad and I cancelled the action. I went to the bathroom and was fine. This morning when I woke up there is was on the toilet paper. Light brown blood. Panic. Horror. Fear. I instantly go to Dr. Google where most women surprisingly said brown blood is just old blood and nothing to worry about. I called the RE.
She wasn't alarmed at all, said it was because of the sex probably hitting the very sensitive cervix. She said my Beta was so strong she had 0 concern but if it continues to go to ultrasound a couple days early. She said that if we hadn't had sex (well fake sex) that it probably wouldn't have even spotted. But then random articles online said 50% of women that spot end up having a miscarriage. The article did go on to say that sex or internal exams can cause it too. The spotting got lighter and lighter and was gone by like the 3rd time I went to the bathroom (never enough to show up on a pad). I've been fine the rest of the day but Holy Mother talk about anxiety I DO NOT want to have right now. I really regret my "moment of weakness" just because I want to everything I can to keep my peace of mind. And my poor husband has to convince me that I'm ok every 10 minutes. Friday is the ultimate day of truth so please pray for peace and hope for that ultrasound. I'm starting to fear it the way I fear reading pregnancy tests. Last time I was there it was so sad seeing the empty sac and hearing "I cannot confirm a pregnancy." I'm going to the exact same place. Breathe in breathe out. Darren keeps reminding me the 3rd Beta is dead on and that the Dr. wasn't worried at all. Come on Friday!!
11 failed IUIs, IVF #1- miscarriage, FET #1-nada, IVF #2-triplets but we lost them all at 9, 18, and 21 weeks in 2013. When all hope was lost a friend stepped forward to be our gestational carrier and carried in our twins... 2 years later we decided to try for one more baby with me carrying again...this is our story
I can't imagine the fear you are going through. I will pray that the first trimester goes by smoothly and that you will gain peace and comfort in the second!
ReplyDeleteThank you Kristin!! Thank the Lord no more bleeding and Friday is getting closer and closer. Today in church it was all out fear/worry and the disciplines in the boat in the hurricane-they were panicked with Jesus IN THE BOAT with them (He was asleep). The main point was "God's got this" It doesn't guarantee a happy ending always but that He is always right there. It helped a bit :) Thanks for prayers, I just got to get through this last big scary hurdle.
DeletePraying for peace and hope for Friday's ultrasound. Also, thanks for being so candid and sharing about the wax. I don't ever want to experience that.
ReplyDeleteMarcy-thanks so much for the prayers!! And good call on never doing the wax!! ;)
DeleteGood luck on Friday. I know pregnancy after a loss is rough. I was terrified leading up to our 1st ultrasound (after our 7 week ultrasound with our fresh IVF showed an unviable pregnancy) and am still afraid, but everyday it gets a little bit easier to believe there is a baby growing inside of me. I hope you will have peace and reassurance this Friday!
ReplyDeleteThanks Dee! I was just reading your blog and it looks like you are just a couple weeks ahead! When I was reading about your ultrasound I thought I was reading my own brain for second. I totally am in denial that I pregnant. It just doesn't feel 100% real yet!
Deleteawwwww. this reminds me - my poor husband - we haven't had sex in 6 months. and he doesn't even try. hahaha Im not sure how enticing I am these days anyway. hehehe
ReplyDeletepraying so hard for you - not only for good news Friday but for more peace of mind for you. i know this process can make you feel insane.
lol, instead of the ttc "DH" it should be "PH" for poor hubby. Were you just to freaked to try?
DeleteThe process can for sure make you feel insane!!! thanks so much for the prayers!
well to be honest, when you average 2 hours of sleep a night and the baby sleeps next to the bed, IT just isn't going to happen. hahahaha
DeleteIn defense of Brazilian waxes, never, EVER get one during pregnancy. Everything is so tender down there it's not worth it. You can't see anything down there eventually anyway.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely try again later when you can pop a few IBprofen before heading into the salon. It's much less painful when there's no extra hormones making all the blood vessels super sensitive. ;-) (I promise the sex is worth it)
That said, stay away from ALL waxing during pregnancy. Eyebrows, legs, lip... Whatever. Your skin is whack for 9 months. Stick with shaving and plucking.
And stay away from Google!!!! Bad Internet! Bad! Lol. Praying for you!
LOL I love the defense. My best friend swears by them too so there had got to be a plus side. Hopefully you are right and it's just cause of the hormones (and it was my first and I hear that's always the worst!
DeleteYes, google can be EVIL for sure. Thanks for the prayers!
Praying for you, Holly, and thinking of you all the time. I have a REALLY good feeling about this for you. Stay strong!
ReplyDeletePraying for your appointment tomorrow! Hoping for great news with you!
ReplyDelete