I didn't know about sex until I was in 3rd grade. I was homeschooled that year and I remember my mom ordering this book called "The Wonderful Way Babies are Made"
The book had "large print" for children (for example: when a mommy and daddy really love each other they can make a baby); the book also had "small print" for the detailed, scientific way (example the mommy and daddy lay next to each other and then.....well, you get it). I had heard the large print several times. I remember the day clearly mom read me the small print; I mean the real beez naz.
I was horrified, disgusted and in shock. I was convinced the world had gone mad and convinced that I would NEVER do that. I even said it, "Mom, I'm never doing that." My little sister got the small print treatment a couple years later. Some how she missed something because that night when Dad got home from work, she stormed up in him with a very angry scowl (poor Dad didn't know mom had just revealed life's deepest secret to her) and she looked up at him holding up 3 very angry fingers and said, "I can't believe you did that to mom THREE times!" (There are 3 kids in our family). I think Dad took a couple steps back and then called for my mom. Heidi and I were both again horrified to find out people do this for fun? What the beep?
Obviously as I got older, The Wonderful Way Babies are Made started to sound, well, enticing. I had committed to wait till my wedding night so I didn't experience the "first part" of the small print till I was 26. As time went on though, I mean when we were ready to have a baby, I realized something was off. For me, The Wonderful Way Babies are Made was a lie.
Lying in my loving husbands embrace turned into cold speculums and catheters. "Making love" to make a child slowly began to fade. At first, in the beginning, it really stung. I was taking pills, and crying, and trying shots and ultrasounds and predictor kits. I started to despise sex because all it would remind me of was that it wasn't resulting in what it is supposed to do. This just isn't how the book said things would go. As time went on fighting the IF journey, I let it go.
I accepted that there are other ways for babies to be made; they aren't the same type of wonderful that involves passionate sex with your adored husband, but they are wonderful in the sense that they can still let a baby be made.
I might write a book for mom's to read to their IVF or IUI or surrogate or embryo adopted or sperm donated or egg donated babies (I know some already exist). Or maybe I'll make a sequel called "The Many Wonderful Ways Babies are Made." I've been sad for a long time that that book mom read me back in 1992 was wrong; at least for us. But as I accept there are other ways, I'm deciding to forgive that book for lying to me and praise the Lord for the fact that there are now more than 1 way and to pray that although He clearly closed the door, He opens a window.
I just read a post about a book called What Makes a Baby. I think it addresses these other ways to conceive. But I've never read it myself so, don't take my word for it.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post! I was so fascinated reading about your childhood book. Funny and horrifying at the same time. Ha! I was certainly never educated by my parents at all....they just put the fear of God in me that I better not have a baby at age 16 like my mother. Needless to say I was scared of getting pregnant until I was 30 and finally stopped taking BCP's.
ReplyDeleteI think an ART book for kids who were conceived that way is a great idea. I've seen a few others out there, but like any other topic, there can always be more literature!
Your childhood memories are so adorable.
ReplyDeleteI think it's true that all of us in the infertility world feel like we've been sold a bill of goods. Years on birth control (doing the right thing to "prevent" a pregnancy). Never thiking that our bodies might not work like all of our fertile friends and family's do. Waiting until we're in loving, secure, and stable relationships. *sigh* I feel like our journey is more like "The little engine that could"....and if only we could get up that last big hill (mountain).
Please look into NaProTechnology to seek ways to improve fertility without harming unborn children.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous-
ReplyDeleteI reassure you that I have looked into this. When you are dealing with male and female issues, these methods do not always work. How on earth is IVF harming unborn children? I guess it depends how you look at it but an embryo does not have a heartbeat if that is what you are referring too...