48 Hours

March 15, 2013

Google should be outlawed (probably shouldn't say that since blogger belongs to them but still).  Each day I google way too much for reassurance.  I've googled "when can I test after 5dt FET" 100 times. 

A doctor websites gives this break down and it looks like day 9 after transfer is when you can expect to get accurate results:

Days Past Transfer (DPT)	Embryo Development
One	The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
Two	The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
Three	The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
Four	Implantation continues
Five	Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
Six	Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
Seven	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Eight	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Nine	Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

But many women test like Day 6, 7, or 8 and get their answers.  Tomorrow is day 8.  I told myself I'd wait till St. Patties, but I dont' know if I can handle it.  If it's negative tomorrow, I'll be in a weird zone.  There will still be that like 10% hope its too early.  But if I don't test, I'll still be in a weird zone of wondering. I feel like Sunday will give me a strong yes or strong no (of course then I'll get nervous about BETA and doubling but first things first).  But tomorrow is sooner....

I really have had no symptoms but from what I've read, that's fairly normal.  I mean, the embryos have only been alive 12 days.  Most don't experience symptoms till 5 or 6 weeks.  It still makes me nervous.  I wish I had something to make me think it was working.  And then, I'm on meds.  Progesterone in oil can cause "fake" symptoms but I don't even have that.  I swear I poked my chest 25839257 times this last week and nothing.  Mild cramping a couple days after transfer.  I did have a "flash" cold 2 days after transfer that only lasted like 5 hours.

Last night I had a melt down.  I told my husband "I have a bad gut feeling."  He asked me if that was gut feeling or fear.  He could have a point.  I mean, I wasn't Mrs. Nancy Negative herself with our first few IUIs.  He pointed out that we've felt positive and optimistic for a while and that so many people are praying.  He said maybe I'm going into panic mode because the end or beginning is so near. But considering this FET was our TENTH infertility treatment (2nd IVF), I'm prepared for the worst and kind of expecting it...but this is a natural mechanism.

In less than 48 hours I will have the answer to the question I've been asking since our miscarriage.  Will the next one work?  I'm at the point where I just need to know.  I can handle "no" I've had that answer several times and I will live, but I so don't want it.  And yes?? My mind can go crazy with the feeling I will experience if I see "pregnant" in the box.  I've been waiting over TWO years for this test.  Tomorrow or Sunday will be my day.  Oh God be near.