Can't help but look back to pre-IVF round 1 and think about how cool it would be if I only had to do it all once? Maybe pregnant with twins round 1 of IVF and adopt a 3rd or have a "surprise" baby when things weren't so stressful? The hopeful crazy thoughts we allow in our head on those crazy hopeful days when we allow ourselves to dream of a _____(insert month here 9 months from day of dream) baby. It happens. You do hear stories. But so far no such luck for us.
I wanted to consider myself a born-again lupron virgin. To be able to move on from the nightly injections, the eternal headaches, the emotions that come with watching your own hands inject things into your own body. As a born again lupron virgin, I would forget the pain of the past and move forward, knowing that "season" was done.
I couldn't help but think about that just about now, I would have been clearing the 12 week mark. My belly would have been growing. I would be just 4 weeks away from knowing the gender. What are the odds that IUI's have a 15% success rate and I did EIGHT and never hit it, but the ONE time I was pregnant I fell into the 15% miscarriage rate? One thing for sure dear readers, I am NOT planning on buying a lotto ticket any time soon ;) Why am I writing about all this? 2 big boxes of lupron and A LOT of needles are sitting on my table, waiting for me. It's the eve of the eve before I start those shots, and this time for at least a month.
I get that I have a choice. I can look at them with dread, shutters of the past failure, emotions from round 1. Or I can look at them as hope, as vehicles that God has allowed us to use to get where we want to go. What if those 2 kits and all those needles result in one or two healthy little babies? Will I be sad/complaining/scared/doubtful then? No.
So, on the eve of the eve of familiarizing myself with this un-fun drug, I'm going to relax that I don't have to do it tonight, rejoice that is represents March 8th coming closer and rejoice that it can lead to answered prayers!
You've been through so much, and I pray and pray that this IS it for you :) Your body is ready to carry the biggest blessing we could be offered. Once again, your strength is awesome and inspiring! You can do this...just visualize that sweet baby in your arms! I'll be stalking you ;) Keep us posted!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI pray that this is your month as well. I have followed your story so closely and every month I find myself reading with tears in my eyes. I just want this to end with yet a sweet beginning for you. I can't wait to read of your belly growing and how amazing it feels to finally conquer infertility. I KNOW and TRUST that day is coming. Please be sure to update us a lot, I will be checking in and praying for you constantly!!
ReplyDeleteMegan