Clinging to the Promise

November 5, 2012

Waiting (so difficult and feels so long).   Knocking down heaven's door. Asking that God breathes His breath of life into my womb.  Praying for grace and mercy and peace despite the outcome.  Here are some "gems" to put my focus on Him.

(Side note update, after all the hype, only 4 little embryos were frozen.  I'm okay with this.  They said they were all great quality but 13 would have been more exciting!)

Lyrics from Ginny Owen's "If You Want me To"

 

'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire if You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness if You want me to

 

 

IVF?? So not the way I would have chosen, but after all these trials, I will be closer to You.

 

 

Scriptures I cling to:

 

Psalm 127:3-5         

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Jesus, you say the fruit of the womb are a reward!  God, you say blessed is them an who fills his quiver with them.  Father, I ask, that you make my womb have fruit.  I ask that you choose to bless Darren and I this time, with children.

Genesis 1:28         
And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Lord, you commanded us to be fruitful and multiply.  It was in your original plan.  You love to create and you made us in your image!  Jesus, allow us to "create" a child in our image as well.  Please allow us to experience fruitful and multiply

Psalm 113:9 He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD.

Father, you PROMISE to settle the barren women.  You cannot lie because you are good and holy.  I pray that this cycle, you fulfill this promise in our lives.  Make me a happy mother of children.  If you want us to pursue adoption, I pray you open our hearts to that.  But Lord, please answer soon.

Genesis 30:22
Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb.

1 Samuel 1:19
Then they rose early in the morning and worshiped before the LORD, and returned and came to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her.

 

Jesus, remember me!  Oh God, hear me!  Father I knock and knock and you say in your word you have GOOD things for those that love you.  Jesus, open my womb.

Neh 4:9
But we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this threat.

I love this!  I was torn for a bit if doing IVF was a sign of "not trusting God" if I went forward with the agressive treatment but then I read this verse.  These people in the old Testament knew they were going to be under attack so they prayed (faith) AND posted a guard (taking action).

 

 

My prayer:

Dear Lord,

First off, I thank you for my beautiful life.  For the hope we have in you.  For your hand on my life and the blessings you have given us.  I thank you for my wonderful husband, for a warm house, for great jobs.  I thank you for a family that loves us so much.  I thank you for health and Jesus.  I thank you for my friends.  I thank you for science.

Jesus, you know my heart.  You know the exact number of tears I’ve cried.  God, just as Hannah, Rachael, and Sara cried out to you over and over again for a child, I cry out to you tonight.  God, in your word, before each women became pregnant, you said “and then God remembered her.” 

Heavenly father, in your holy name, I ask that today you remember me.  Lord, I know that you never promised it to be an easy road, you simply said you would be with us.  God, you have felt so distant these last two years because it has been closed door after closed door.  Broken dream and broken dream.  But Lord, we trust you.  We realize that you are the author and finisher of life.  That you choose when people take their first breath, and when they take their last. 

I realize that no matter how scary this is, no matter the success or failure rate, no matter how many eggs are retrieved and how many embryos are made, at the end of it all, it’s in Your hands.  I want your will in my life and I ask that this be the timing our wills collide. I feel like you have led us here.  In your mercy, in your grace, please Father, grant this request.

In your word you say that children are a blessing.  You wired us to want to create life as we are made in your image and you are the Creator.  Father, we are asking something that is holy and right.  Jesus, I cry out, that you hear me, and remember me.

I am so afraid.  I pray that I feel your peace deep in my heart and soul.  I pray I feel your presence at a level I didn’t know I could.  I pray for no fear tomorrow as I walk into surgery.  I pray for supernatural hope as they transfer the eggs.  I pray that your hand will be on the doctor’s hands and she pulls out eggs.  I pray that your hand will be on the embryologists hand as he injects the sperm into the eggs.  I pray that you are there.

And Father, as much as it hurts, I pray that if this isn’t your will, you will be there when I get the call.  You will hold me.  You will comfort me.  I pray that I won’t allow bitterness and hate and resentment to creep in but at the end of it all, come what may, I can raise my hands and say blessed be your name.

I thank  you for this opportunity.  That we have eggs, we have a chance . I thank you that you heal.  I thank you that you still do miracles.  I pray in Jesus name that you fill us with peace, and hope for the future.  I pray for all my infertile friends going through this valley.  Be with us now.