We all knew this cycle would be a long shot, but sometimes that gives me more hope than ever because often God loves working in the impossible situations. I guess this just wasn't His timing.
I have quickly determined that out of the cycle days, the last 4 days of the 2WW are the worst. The craziest. The most emotional for me. I was supposed to pregnancy test tomorrow if I hadn't gotten my period. I always start it the day before I'm supposed to test.
On Friday I started feeling cramps and began to mourn it. I know plenty of women that claim they had menstrual cramps but that their period never came, but once cramps set in for me (I always get them 3-4 days before arrival) I deep down can sense it's over for this cycle. I usually feel really sad, and then on top of that deal with all the PMS junk that comes with the medicated cycle.
The crazy thing too is since I took the HSG shot, it made me feel kind of pregnant for a bit. I was nauseous and tired. I know the sperm count was low for the IUI but we had sex 36 hours before and isn't it supposed to live in you for at least 48 hours?
Anyways, the cramps kick in and I let go, but I still hold on to that 2% chance that it's not over until I see blood. I have a small glimmer of hope that maybe, like my sister, I will have cramps and the period never shows up? So, every bathroom break becomes an emotional ride of "is it coming?"
As I move forward into my new cycle day 1, I'm getting more scared. I have to have a procedure called a Hysterosalpingogram done where they fill my ovaries with dye to make sure they are not blocked. I was told to take anti-biotic and pain pills before (this is NOT comforting). I've been dreading this for months because the doctor told me to do three IUI's first (I think I just figured I'd get pregnant first). At least we will know if my tubes are open.
I got a note from the doctor saying "I would try 1 or 2 more IUI's then look into other options." Even though we have decided IVF is probably best for sanity sake this fall, to hear it from a doctor seems more official. More scary. More real.
Although I have cramps physically and emotionally, the only thing we can do is move forward.
I had the dye test in May. Don't worry about it. I just took Tylenol 2 hours before and I was fine. It just feels like one deep period cramp for about 30 seconds. I figured, I had to be strong for this if I planned on having a baby. Good Luck!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the info! I'll definately take Tylenol. Was it worse than the IUI? You have a point...I do need to suck it up if I'm planning on pushing a child out some day! :)
DeleteHonestly it was slightly worse, but not nearly as bad as you read online. My doctor was great and talked me through it all step by step. When they inject the dye its a deeper cramp than an IUI, but as soon as it is done moving through the tubes, you instantly feel better. I did have some bleeding for about 24 hours but no real cramping afterwards. I also felt light headed right away. My doctor said that is normal and I just rested for 5 minutes as they cleaned everything up. I said a prayer before and God gave me the strength has he has done so many other times. Its unbelievable how strong we really are. You will do fine :)
DeleteKeep your head high, I know God has a plan for all of us. I was at church the other day and all the women in the choir were pregnant (no joke), sometimes I forget he also has a sense of humor. Your post before this one made me cry, because I to was very angry at him last week. Our IVF success rate went from 75% to 25%, and I was terribly angry with him for allowing this to happen. But I know he has bigger plans for us and I just have to keep my trust in him. Good luck on your HSG!
ReplyDeleteHi Kristin! It's crazy how "hyper-sensitive" we become to pregnant people. I all the sudden see them everywhere. That is hillarious about the church choir! It is sooo dang hard not to be angry. Why did your rate drop? I'm so sorry. I agree, God is GOOD and promises to do what is BEST for us. I just have to keep reminding myself that eventhough I don't get it, He does. So so hard! :)
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