Today is CD 13 and no sign of ovulation. I'm half happy (maybe I won't get the smiley till after Denver) and half nervous (maybe I won't get the smiley.)
I called up dad to see if he could take me to Costco to get some supplies. Dad LOVES going there with me and almost always buys me a coffee. It's fun. We were causually walking around while dad skimmed the aisles for samples and then I saw her.
Megan. A friend I met many years ago at church but lost contact with. She is my age. She went through a rough break up to but ended up getting married a few months after Darren and I. It was that awkward moment when you don't want to say hi and hope they didn't see you (I was in work out gear).
Then she turned. There is was. A HUGE belly. So dang cute. Probably was at 8 months. I don't know why it hit me so hard, but my eyes started to water, right there, on the trailmix aisle.
I think its my competitive nature. I love achieving. I love feeling ahead. I also have always struggled with jealousy. It stung. My mind did the math before I could control it. She was "ahead" of me and she had wanted I wanted.
Luckily I could pull it together. Luckily I reminded myself to trust His timing for MY life.
When I lived in Costa Rica with my sister for YWAM the speaker said:
"When we pray for something (ie God take away my jealously issues), God doesn't magically take them away. No. He does the opposite. He gives you several opportunities where you could be [jealous] and allows you to learn/choose how to not do it."
Oh man that's hard! Jesus, I choose to thank you and praise you that you put this desire in my heart for a reason. Help Megan to have a smooth and healthy delivery. Give me peace and grace as I wait for my time. Please Lord, let it be soon.
Everything reminds me of missing my future baby. This is soo my brain. 
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